random poem - streem of conciousness, kind of...

Ding dang dong,
What went wrong,
I chewed a moose loose,
And the government's angry,
Hope they don't sue,
I can play my kazoo,
It's a magic one too,
It will take me to Lutonarr,
A cloud above Utah,
Fluffy and white,
What a delight!
Shame in the shoes,
Shame in the shoes,
Shit were's my roof?
Don't care - i'm aloof,
Walking in the rain,
Shoes of shame.

Austin and the Lost Treasure of Camden

see those pictures down there? click upon them to make them bigger. (if you like)
I thought I would type it out too for silly people who have trouble with crayon.
Austin the mantis shrimp was around Camden Market one fine morning, when he came across a massive X on the ground next to a Russian man.
"WO!" he exclaimed, (it's like the ocean)
"Treasure!... Groovy!" Austin rummaged about in his briefcase until he found his shovel - he began to dig.
He carried on for ages, some say he was digging for 3 and a half days without pauses!
Anyway, eventually his shovel hit something hard.
"Yessssss!" he quickly heaved out the object - it was a whopping great treasure chest!
"Flippin' 'eck!" said the Russian man as Austin hauled the chest up out of the whole.
"'E's only gone an' found the Lost Treasure of Camden!"
"You're not Russian," said Austin,
"where's the real Russian?"
"On 'is tea break."
"I need a wee" said a nearby pigeon.
THE END

vince the eagle and sarah the vole. true story.

One time, recently - i was having a great time on Facebook, talking to my mate Issy. When out of NOWHERE a mighty eagle (called Vince) burst through my bedroom window, smashing it all to bits, and stole me!! Now this was pretty traumatic for me and, to be honest, very upsetting.

He just kept flying for oh i dunno - at lest 4 minutes with me in his... err... feet. I was beginning to feel woozy and to contemplate whether i would escape this highly awkward situation with my life (and all my limbs).

Anyway - it wasn't looking good and i was ready to give in when a passing vole (Sarah) took pity on me. She had stern words with Vince and convinced him to put me down and say sorry.

So everything panned out alright. Me and Sarah went to Starbucks to let me catch my breath - we got free frappachinos on account of me being all flustered - also Sarah worked there part time.

Once we'd finished our frappachinos, I invited her back to my place for a bit, we just clicked you see - and also, naturally, I was eternally grateful to her for saving my life etc. So yeah, she came back to mine for a bit, and um, when I returned I found that Issy had sent me a lot of annoyed messages asking why I had just left in the middle of a convo. So I told her what happened - and to my disgust, dismay, and disbelief - she didn't believe me. So i gave her Sarah's number - and she rang up, and Sarah answered, so i thought - "Ok, she can't argue with that. it's hard evidence!" Yet, would you believe, she did!! anyway there was a bit of an argument, and i won coz everyone took my side and also I'm the best.

me xx

Craig Crayola

I met a man called Craig Crayola,

He washed himself in lemonade,

He danced about with fairy dust,

And now he's gone away.

The Horrifying Story of Hamish O’dingleberry

Licking his lips, Hamish O’dingleberry opened the fridge… then jumped back in horror! Causing his numerous layers of flab to wobble about like jelly. How could a fridge so colossal and usually as full as his, be so empty? He stared at the naked shelves in dismay, then at the mouldy old carrot in the corner of his otherwise foodless fridge. As he reached out for the carrot, knowing it was his last resort, he suddenly felt a strange feeling that he was being watched. He chose to ignore it. His fingers were centimetres away from the carrot, when he suddenly remembered that he had his “Emergency Cake Supply” stashed away in the cellar, saved for times just like this.

As Hamish plodded down the old, creaky steps into the cellar, he thought he heard someone following him. He spun round. Nothing. Hamish galloped down the rest of the stairs at lightning speed, his heart pounding as he plunged into the darkness. He heaved himself over to the light switch as fast as his stubby, little legs could carry him. He flicked it on but nothing happened. The only light was that of the moon, coming in through the tiny, square window, casting oddly shaped shadows on the far-wall and illuminating the many cracks and cobwebs.

Hamish shivered, though he could not even imagine the doom that awaited him, getting closer every… step… he took… Suddenly there was an ominous crash! Hamish spun round and to his utter disbelief, there stood… THE CARROT! Hamish opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. “What’s so scary about a mouldy carrot?” you ask? Well, have you ever seen a mouldy old carrot with an evil grin grow from 6 inches to 30 foot in a matter of seconds, breaking though the ceiling and causing the house to fall away around you?

The carrot let his enormous, orange foot hover over Hamish for a second,

“Any last words?” the carrot asked in a low, husky voice.

“Um…”

SPLAT!

Hamish was squashed like a giant tomato.

A few hours later his wife got home. She called out his name but got no answer. She searched the house from the top to bottom, until she found Hamish dead in the cellar, lying in a pool of his own blood. His skin was ghostly white and his flesh was dry and cold. A tear rolled down her cheek and splashed to the dull grey ground. She was so caught up in her misery that she didn’t notice that the carrot – which had been lying (carrot sized) on the floor beside Hamish - started to grow. She was so deafened by her own crying that she didn’t even here the ear piercing crash as the carrot once again broke through the ceiling. She didn’t notice the house start to shake, or the enormous foot-shaped shadow which was now surrounding her.

I think you know what happened next.

THUNDER-CLAP 1

more THUNDER CLAP here

Wantii - a small hamlet in a magical leaf kingdom

I travel the world a lot, but the most exciting places are most often overlooked by human kind. This week’s article is about when I came across Wantii, a tiny hamlet in the magical leaf kingdom of ‘Vecorrinor’. I had decided to shrink myself down to about 2mm tall and explore far off places in my very fast micro spaceship/submarine. Then, after traveling for about 2 hours, I came across Wantii. It was beautiful; there were lovely little green streets and stunning architecture. The locals were very peaceful and magical and lovely. The welcomed me to Wantii with a big colourful parade of ploomidge and bloomidge. I camped in a tiny, green leaf tent on a shiny, purple petal called 'Petal Monecoverr' and as I lay there looking up at the stars and the fireflies whizzing high above. I felt an amazing sensation of inner peace. I had an epiphany. 'Wherever you are, no-matter how exotic, there are always the same stars shining beautifully way up above you, looking over you.